User talk:Christopher Avilez
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the The Day I Found A Wormhole In My Basement page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! SoPretentious (talk) 01:54, May 28, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:55, May 28, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story The story was deleted as it was below the quality standards all stories of this site need to pass regardless of a user's conditions (we have a number of users with learning disabilities and a few who are even blind and use screen reading software to write their stories.). We have the writer's workshop (link above) to help users who require assistance. I suggest using the workshop if you intend to post another story as uploading another story with this many issues will result in it being deleted. Capitalization: You don't capitalize a majority of your sentences properly. "them. my (My) parents were out as they have both gone to work.", "they (They) normally came home at around 9 or 10.", "they (They) both worked at the same place.", "in (In) those hours I enjoyed my time in the house alone", etc. You also forget to properly capitalize "I". "sudden i felt like someone was watching me.", "i (I)shouted", "when i woke", "up i walked back upstairs and didn't see anyone.", etc. You also don't properly capitalize dialogue. "this (This) is impossible!", "who (Who) is down there?!", "he said: nobody (Nobody)!", etc. Punctuation: All of your dialogue is missing quotations. "I thought to myself: (")this is impossible!(")", "i heard myself yell: (")who is down there?!", "he said: (")nobody!(")", etc. You also forget to use commas where it's needed. "i shouted down to the basement at him who it was(,) he said nobody", "I decided it was time for her to meet my family(,) we pulled up to the house and we went in.", "when I got up to check I didn't see anything", etc. You also don't use apostrophes in words denoting possession. "parents(') house" Wording/Spelling: There are a lot of misspellings here. "cartoons. cause the best ones". You also improperly use a number of words. "they must of (must have) brought my wife along." The story should also be broken up into paragraphs as your post was just a massive paragraph that was 45 sentences long. A typical paragraph is five to ten sentences long and those sentences are directly connected. Story issues: How old is the protagonist? You shift from him watching cartoons, living in his parent's house, and playing baseball with his friends to him suddenly being married ("they must of brought my wife along.") and seemingly being an adult. It feels like you forgot to mention their age and accidentally changed it during the story without mentioning that they had grown up. Additionally, how come no one else knows about the massive wormhole in their basement that sucks in the main character? It seems like it'd be hard to miss. Story issues cont.: The story is very rushed with lines like this: "so i went down into the basement when I tripped and fell right into a hole", "my father was down there. he held a gun up to my head but after what seemed like hours I managed to prove to him that I was who i said i was.", "All I knew is that I had somehow gone back in time. a time where I was still a child. I will never forget my experience.". The lack of explanation here really weakens the story. Finally, this story isn't a creepypasta. There really isn't a horror element here. The closest you get is the protagonist's father pulling a gun on them, but it's resolved in the next sentence. As this is a horror literature website, we only accept horror stories, other types of stories will be removed. These were a few of the issues present in your story that resulted in its deletion. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:41, May 28, 2016 (UTC) Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules. Read the Deletion FAQ and our Style Guide for Writing for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make. Read this guide and these blog posts for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards. For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback. Jay Ten (talk) 12:37, May 30, 2016 (UTC) Re: Your story had a lot of the same issues that Empy mentioned in one of the above messages. Your sentences are choppy, dull, and robotic. A lot of the information you give isn't interesting, relevant, or engaging. I really think you need to spend more time reading before attempting your next piece. Good luck. Jay Ten (talk) 17:08, June 15, 2016 (UTC)